#59. Cynicism Defined

OK, after typing this entire post on my iPhone in the car and then accidentally deleting it, let’s try it again.
 

 I was reviewing my old posts and realized I owe you an apology. I have been peddling this blog as one chalk full of cynicism, when in reality there is much less than I had hoped. I often oscillate between pride and frustration when it comes to my historically “realist” outlook on life. I honestly thought it would be impossible to keep it from bleeding out into SOS, but I’m afraid something terrible may be happening. I think I might be slipping. I think I might be starting to look for the best in people and situations. I think I might be (Heaven forbid!) beginning to look for silver linings.

But that’s not me! I’m not a silver lining kind of guy. I’m a dark gray lining guy. The gray that blends cloud and sky to the point of hopelessness. Or maybe even black lining. Not like eye liner lining, like the lead singer of Green Day, but deep, dark, pitch black, standing right in front of you and you can’t even see it ’til it punches you in the face blackness. Now that’s cynicism! So I’ll make a deal with you. If my posts are not 37% more cynical by the end of August, I will consider re-subtitling Song of Sloman. I promise you. If it doesn’t get better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) I will consider a change of the subtitle. Don’t think I won’t, cuz I’ll do it! I will consider it so fast, it’ll make your head spin. Let’s have standard that we measure this 37% increase by. Here’s the definition we’ll all use, so we’re in agreement:

Main Entry: cyn·i·cal 
Pronunciation: ˈsi-ni-kəl
Function: adjective
Date: 1542

1 : captiouspeevish
2 : having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a :contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives <those cynical men who say that democracy cannot be honest and efficient — F. D. Roosevelt> b : based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest <a cynical ploy to cheat customers>

— cyn·i·cal·ly  -k(ə-)lēadverb

synonyms cynicalmisanthropic,pessimistic mean deeply distrustful.cynical implies having a sneering disbelief in sincerity or integrity<cynical about politicians’ motives>.misanthropic suggests a rooted distrust and dislike of human beings and their society <a solitary andmisanthropic artist>pessimisticimplies having a gloomy, distrustful view of life <pessimistic about the future>.
You may find that I lean heavily toward the cynical synonym: pessimistic, but let’s be clear. That counts.
Have you been too optimistic lately?

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