#27. Lavatorical Loathing


We’ve all been there… If you haven’t, then there are two reasons. #1 – You’re just not old enough and lack the life experience, In which case, you have something to look forward to. Or #2 – you may have a medical condition that renders the following an “issue” for you. Hopefully this is just a psychological condition and not actually physical, because if it is physical, you need to see a doctor immediately or possibly pick up some Metamucil over your lunch break.

So it’s mid-morning and you “have to go.” No problem. The office has a very clean and comfortable selection of stalls to accommodate you. But just as you sit down, the office cleaning lady knocks on the door.

“Son-of-a-b*!@&.” (Your words, not mine.) I’m a little disappointed actually, but I understand your frustration. Now you feel rushed, and what’s worse, that knock on the door requires a response.

“Occupied.” That will hold her off for a couple minutes

*Knock – Knock*… Are you kidding me?… She literally knocked less than 30 seconds ago.

Of course another response is necessary. “Yeah.” That won’t satisfy her for long. Gotta wrap this thing up… Come on… I know she’s standing out there just waiting… There are three other men’s rooms in this building for crying out loud. Why doesn’t she just come back in 10 or 15 minutes? Go clean something else… We both know what’s going on in here… Help a brother out… This is a sacred thing that is happening… Some peace and quiet would be nice… I don’t need this stress right now…

*Knock – Knock*… OK, seriously? This is getting ridiculous! That was only one minute! No one has entered or exited the restroom. Obviously I’m still in here.

She needs some sort of audible reply… *toilet flush*… Dangit, now she thinks I’m done… I guess I can come back later, or maybe wait ‘til lunch… This is sooo annoying…

Do you worry in the water closet?



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