#80. A Day of Worship


Today is a great day, a day of worship for many people. Of course I’m not talking about President Obama’s Job’s Speech. Everyone knew what that would be about before it ever started.

I am talking about the beginning of the NFL season. I definitely wouldn’t say I worship football, but I know plenty of people who treat it like a religion, even more so now that we live in Texas.

So how can you make sure you properly “worship” at football games? Here’s a short starter list:

  1. Stand up. (Everybody on your feet.)
  2. Lift your hands. (Touch down!)
  3. Sing songs. (This happens a lot during time outs. Think: Black Eyed Peas – Tonight’s Gonna Be a Good Night.)
  4. Lift your voices in praise. (Yelling chants or shouting words of encouragement.)
  5. Speaking in tongues. (I’m not sure cursing referees, players and other fans counts.)
  6. Give a sacrificial offering. (The exorbitant ticket prices are like tithing. Concessions and items from the pro shop are above and beyond.)
  7. Responsive readings. (Consistently berating the referee after he announces a poor call.)
  8. Special music. (Half-time show.)
  9. Partake of the sacraments. (Beer and brats are not the same as wine and bread, and they’re for sure not bite size.)
  10. Be baptized. (While some denominations prefer a splash or “sprinkling” from a water bottle, the historically accepted tradition is emersion by Gatorade cooler.)
  11. Remember the Sabbath, and keep it holy. (With all of the effort you put into worship at the football game on Sunday, you might want to take Monday off from work to recover.)
  12. Penance. (Confession that the referees did in fact make the right calls after re-watching the game on your DVR.)

How do you “worship”?



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