#65. Saving the Planet One Shower at a Time


If you’ve been looking for more great ways to be even greener, and you already drive a Prius, carpool, use those spiral looking light bulbs, recycle everything, have a composte pile and purchase carbon credits, this may be just the thing for you. Please consider using your bath towel multiple times before washing it. Hotels are already beginning to encourage patrons to do just this. Many chains request that you use your towel at least twice, but if it needs laundered, just leave it on the floor.

Now this is an absolutely necessary and critical component to this incredibly environmentally friendly energy conservation measure: Always, and I mean always, keep track of which side of the towel you use for your face and which side you use for your nether regions. Obviously your towel only touches your body when its the cleanest, but even so, its just kinda gross to think about what might happen if you’re not paying attention. Feel free to use my patent pending solution: Tag side of the towel for face and body, opposite side for the unmentionables.

So to sum up: 1. Save money. 2. Save the planet. 3. Avoid cross contamination.

Do you use your towel more than once?


#64. Hostage TV


With an incredibly limited number of channels and an even more limited amount of quality content, I was tricked (for the second time in two weeks) into watching Wall Street: Money Never Sleeps. To say I was tricked may be overstating. I suppose I was technically cornered into viewing this fairly interesting and entertaining movie. The down side is that last night and the previous Monday evening have been spent in away from home in a slightly above average Houston area Drury Inn and Suites. Given their complimentary breakfast and happy hour, as well as their small but sufficient workout facility, clean rooms and plush towels, their television channel dificiency and lack of HD programming is an obvious but subtle black eye that I’m willing to overlook.

The point is, last Monday Home Box Office saw fit to air Wall Street just as I was turning in for the evening, around eleven P.M. I hadn’t yet seen the movie, but wanted to, and ended up watching it in it’s entirety ’til about one A.M. That was a mistake, and I was dragging big time and kicking myself all day Tuesday for my poor judgement and stupidity. Regardless, the movie was decent and I enjoyed it. Fast forward to last night, and I was trapped again! But this time I had a secret weapon… will power and the remote control power button. I also had back up in the form of complete and utter exhaustion.

So I still watched half of it… turns out I don’t really have much will power, but I do have an abundance of stupidity and the ability to learn very little from prevoius mistakes, so I’ve got that going for me.

Have you ever been backed into a TV viewing corner, either by dismal selection or someone holding the remote hostage?

What were you forced to watch? Did you end up liking it?

#63. Three Responses to a Market Crash


There are three ways to respond when the stock market falls through the floor like it has this past week:

1. Get depressed. I mean really depressed. I’m talking Ben and Jerry’s, Haagen-Dazs, cookie dough, brownie batter, milk and Oreos sitting on the couch in your underwear without showering for two weeks with a cherry on top depressed.

2. Carpe Diem. Yeah, I went there. Seize the day! Bungee jumpin’, cliff divin’, brussel sprout tryin’, buyin’ low and sellin’ high. Gordon Gekko eat your heart out.

3. What the heck is the stock market? Do you want fries with that?


4. Trust God. Focus on what is eternal, unchanging and true. Allow the stress and volatility of this broken and sinful world to draw you into relationship with Jesus Christ. Run toward His open arms rather than away from them.

How do you respond to the market?

#62. Alaska By Video

My wife has been getting pretty good at using Windows Movie Maker. She put some of our pictures from our recent trip to Alaska to music, and it turned out pretty great!

Hope you all enjoy.

#61. Phantom Vibration Syndrome


I recently read an article like this one discussing Phantom Vibration Syndrome. Just because you haven’t heard of it doesn’t mean you haven’t experienced it. This is an epidemic that is plaguing First World Countries. Phantom Vibration Syndrome is when you are properly using the vibrate function on your cellular device. You feel the “alert”, and pull your phone from your purse, pocket or totally awesome and non-nerdy belt holster, only to find that your phone is not ringing. You have not missed a call or received a text or email or notification that your favorite sports team has begun a game, been rain delayed, scored a run or won or lost. You have not been notified of a change in flight schedule or that someone has maliciously dethroned you from your Foursquare mayorship. It doesn’t seem that your phone has vibrated for any reason, and in fact, it didn’t. We have been so conditioned by our mobile phones, our brains interpret minute muscle spasms, subtle floor settling and clothing movement as hope for communication from another person, even if the message is automated. And when our brains have no signal to misinterpret, it makes one up. Crazy!

So here’s the Theological Thursday Jesus Juke: What if we were so in tune with God’s will, so diligent in our prayer lives, so intimately familiar with the sound of His voice, that we heard Him everywhere and all the time? What if we conditioned our hearts, minds and souls to recognize God’s voice not just when He’s shouting, not even in the whispers, but in the complete and utter silence? Cuz here’s the thing… I suspect He’s always speaking; we just aren’t listening. It’s not like the Old Testament when God would go silent for decades or centuries. The Holy Spirit dwells in every Believer. The Christian’s body is God’s temple.

Perhaps that phantom vibration is the God of the universe. Then again, maybe it’s all in your head.

Does your phone phantomly vibrate?


#60. Five Things Houston Is Good For


Having resolved to help this blog better live up to it’s name, and after spending three days in Houston, TX, I thought I’d start by listing all the things Houston is good for:

1. Saving time on ironing. The moment you step outside, all of the wrinkles just fall right out thanks to the heat and humidity.

2. Making all other Texas cities except Beaumont feel better about themselves for not being so terrible.

3. That’s all I could think of.

To be fair I will be in Houston at least 2 more weeks, so as I think of more things, I’ll expand the list.

Can you think of other things Houston is good for?

#59. Cynicism Defined

OK, after typing this entire post on my iPhone in the car and then accidentally deleting it, let’s try it again.

 I was reviewing my old posts and realized I owe you an apology. I have been peddling this blog as one chalk full of cynicism, when in reality there is much less than I had hoped. I often oscillate between pride and frustration when it comes to my historically “realist” outlook on life. I honestly thought it would be impossible to keep it from bleeding out into SOS, but I’m afraid something terrible may be happening. I think I might be slipping. I think I might be starting to look for the best in people and situations. I think I might be (Heaven forbid!) beginning to look for silver linings.

But that’s not me! I’m not a silver lining kind of guy. I’m a dark gray lining guy. The gray that blends cloud and sky to the point of hopelessness. Or maybe even black lining. Not like eye liner lining, like the lead singer of Green Day, but deep, dark, pitch black, standing right in front of you and you can’t even see it ’til it punches you in the face blackness. Now that’s cynicism! So I’ll make a deal with you. If my posts are not 37% more cynical by the end of August, I will consider re-subtitling Song of Sloman. I promise you. If it doesn’t get better (or worse, depending on how you look at it) I will consider a change of the subtitle. Don’t think I won’t, cuz I’ll do it! I will consider it so fast, it’ll make your head spin. Let’s have standard that we measure this 37% increase by. Here’s the definition we’ll all use, so we’re in agreement:

Main Entry: cyn·i·cal 
Pronunciation: ˈsi-ni-kəl
Function: adjective
Date: 1542

1 : captiouspeevish
2 : having or showing the attitude or temper of a cynic: as a :contemptuously distrustful of human nature and motives <those cynical men who say that democracy cannot be honest and efficient — F. D. Roosevelt> b : based on or reflecting a belief that human conduct is motivated primarily by self-interest <a cynical ploy to cheat customers>

— cyn·i·cal·ly  -k(ə-)lēadverb

synonyms cynicalmisanthropic,pessimistic mean deeply distrustful.cynical implies having a sneering disbelief in sincerity or integrity<cynical about politicians’ motives>.misanthropic suggests a rooted distrust and dislike of human beings and their society <a solitary andmisanthropic artist>pessimisticimplies having a gloomy, distrustful view of life <pessimistic about the future>.
You may find that I lean heavily toward the cynical synonym: pessimistic, but let’s be clear. That counts.
Have you been too optimistic lately?

#58. A Little Loopy


I’m not sure what most people think about throughout the day. I hope that you think about really random things, but then you share them with someone, so you’re able to get that, “you’re kinda weird” look. If you don’t get that look once in a while, then you’re not really living, and your friends and family are being deprived. At least that’s what I tell myself and my wife when she gives me that look.

Anyway, all that to say, we did some shopping this weekend. I needed a new pair of jeans and a new pair of khaki shorts. I’m very particular about my clothing. (Just one of the many manifestations of my OCD tendencies.) If I don’t 100% love an article of clothing, it will sit in the drawer or closet and never be worn. That seems wasteful and silly, so I just refrain from buying it in the first place. After hitting up several area department stores, we did finally find success, but I want to let you in on a secret. One of my top 3 criteria for shorts and pants, right behind comfort and appearance is possibly one of the most critical functional issues often being overlooked these days: Belt loop spacing.

Now you all know how I feel about men’s belts. If you don’t, read this. I believe much discomfort and waist band bunching could be prevented with two tiny loops. Given the gravity of this post, I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I really do treasure my Levi’s 569 jeans, but sadly, even this dashing denim boasts only 5 poorly placed loops. (Two in the front, one on each side and one in the back middle.) However, the Levi’s cargo shorts that we scored, show major swag with seven substantial loops. (Two in the front, one on each side and three across the back!) It’s brilliant! I wore these khakis for the first time tonight, and let me tell you, it was a delightful experience. No bunching. No slippage. It’s like I always say, “If you want swag, don’t sag.”

Do you have enough loops?